Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Bittersweet

4 comments

After 3 years of hoping and 1 year of trying we finally got pregnant. The weekend before we found out I was talking with my mom and sister saying how I didn't think I would ever get pregnant. At our first ultrasound they said that I should be 9 weeks along but I was only measuring at 5 and a half. So Monday when we went in it was either going to be the day that we announce we're pregnant or the day we found out that our baby has passed away. I am sad to say that it was the latter. So today after I'm done with work I get to go home, and take some pills to help the baby pass. I understand that the baby is not growing anymore but a part of me feels like this afternoon I have to administer my own abortion. It sucks. I don't think it is quite hit me yet the pain I'll go through this afternoon, and I don't know if I am ready emotionally and physically for what will happen. But I don't know if there's ever really a way to prepare a woman for what she has to go through when she has a miscarriage. I know everything will be okay. I know it's better that this happened when I was only 8 weeks along. I know that 20 to 40 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage so I am not alone. And thankfully we know now that we can get pregnant. I know that the Lord has a plan for us. I just hope I can make it til after my appointments to start crying.

 
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